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Friday, May 23, 2008

Fun with Food: Cheep Frozen Pizza

It would seem that the manufacturer of this low-end frozen pepperoni pizza (Schwans) has managed to discover an important number... The number 7. You see the number 7 is the exact minimum number of pepperoni needed to call a frozen cheeze pizza a frozen pepperoni pizza. Any less than seven and it becomes unclear whether each piece will have a pepperoni on it. Though in Schwans defense the best eating method mandates that the pizza be cut in only 2 pieces, which are then folded over in sort of a taco configuration.

The persnickety amongst you probably think that that I misspelled "cheese" in the prior paragraph. I did not. I spelled it with a 'z' because I figure if Schwans wants to use nonstandard cheese ingredients (such as: modified food starch, potassium chloride, sodium citrate, sodium aluminum phosphate, sodium tripolyphosphate, tri-calcium phosphate, magnesium oxide, ferric orthophosphate, cyancobalamin pyridoxine hydrochloride, and others that choke my spell checker) then I can spell cheese with nonstandard cheese letters like 'z' or perhaps even 'qu'. A big fat slice of queeze, anyone?

One final note. This Schwans frozen pepperoni pizza (sold under the name "Tony's) uses in its marketing the trademarked phrase "Tastes Like Fun". I will leave it as an exercise for the reader to think of something fun that is also tasty. Chances are if you think of one its probably not an activity that is appropriate to be put on a pizza box.

Labels: consumer goods, food